Midterm breakdown

So it's not midterms yet but...My life needs a good fatty prunning. Have any of you just felt like life, which potentially can be a beautiful thing, has overgrown? Suddenly, your life is taken over by knee high grass and weeds. Your cute little trumpet vines have tangled around all of your nice patio furniture and you can't safely manuver over to the back fence. Sure those plants were nice at first, add a flower bed here and there, maybe a tree or two... and now your life is unmannageable. It's controlling your moves, you're not controlling it. This is where I currently find myself. I'm aimlessly busy and very tired in every way. I just want to scream, but that would mean expending energy.

I've also been thinking about what I'm living for. I can tell ya right now, it's not God. Sure it looks like it superficially. I work at a Christian school, and with troubled girls that I have to sometimes force myself to pray for, I feel awful that I haven't hung out with any of my friends... All of my classes are Bible based...the list goes on. This is not to glorify me... but rather to make a point that I try to be involved with the Lord's work, but I question why I do these things. Most of the time, if I'm honest, it's for me. I started the job at the group home because of my desire to make a difference. The Christian school because I needed a balance from being cussed out all day, I love my major but that crazy question of "what are you going to do next?" lurkes and I can't answer that. I also can't help thinking that I'm putting a front up for myself. I'm still missing the point. All this is supposed to be FOR GOD. Not me, God. With this delema infront of me, which has been in the forefront of my mind for weeks, I've begun to seek what my life would be life if I kept God's perspective ALL THE TIME. What would it look like if I lived FOR GOD in EVERYTHING?

So I'm starting to have a heart change. I want a mass undertaking, namely, changing all of my life so that I'm living purposefully. I want every moment to reflect that I'm pressing on toward the goal of doing God's will in everything. I've also come to the conclusion that I can't do it on my own. I struggle with what my own responsibility is in these kinds of changes. I know whatever change occurs, it will be God's doing. I can't do it. I've been in prayer about this for a few days, but it's been a random cry when I'm not feeling all that great about myself. I should be more intentional and focused on seeking what God wants my life to look like.

What do you all think? What have you done to prioritize your life and make God first? What hasn't worked?