I look like Eddie Murphy

Apparently I look the most like Eddie Murphy...hmmm...but then again I resemble Mike Myers too...

how true...

" I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody" - Bill Cosby

decisions...decisions...

So I hardly make New Year's resolutions because I always break them but I thought I'd take a chance. So my New Year's Resolution is to make decisions. This is a bigge for me actually because anyone who hangs out with me knows that I can be the mose indecisive person on the planet. So, that's my decision. and I started already. I decided that I didn't want to have 2 jobs anymore so I quit one and i have my nights and weekends back! But I do have a plan so I'm not making stupid decisions...Sadly that means that I won't be in Riverside much longer but actually I'm seeing more and more that it's ok...anyway, more on that later

just a little freaked out...

So, I was a victim to idiots racing on the freeway...another reason why I hate driving and working graveyard I'm ok but my wonderful Jeep "Chuck" isn't. He's a lil' banged up. That makes me sad :( and it freaked me out too. My first accident. not my fault but in the eyes of the insurance holders it could be because I hit him but it's not my fault that he was being an idiot driver! it was scary I say. And all I could think was that I could have died (not being overly dramatic here, I'm lucky) So don't tell your moms, i'm ok and pray that everything gets fixed and I get a new job... how's that for an after graduation blog...

I wonder what I will blog about now...

So, the ONE time I ever watched Sex in the City, one of the ladies was throwing a shower for herself and she said something along the lines of "After you graduate from college besides your birthday, if you are single you are no longer celebrated... No showers, no weddings no anniversaries...nothin"
I must admit, if you look it that way, it'll make you sad...BUT NOT ME!!! :D DUDE!!! I'M DONE!!!! I am graduating in 2 days!! I'm finally excited!. Sure it took me a little longer than others but I feel that's just how I operate sometimes, I'm a step behind but I'll get there.
The only thing that is bittersweet is that fact that it is December and just as much as everyone else is excited to get out of school, they can say "Ok I'll see you in 3 weeks"...Nope I won't see people after the break because I don't have classes in the spring. Sad but exciting all the same. I guess I have to just keep my blogs and not commit social suicide because we all know that without one of these things you just don't exist... lol
So if I don't see you tomorrow or at the graduation, friends, have a wonderful Christmas, I love you all dearly, there is really no way I could have done this without you guys. You are really part of the product you see today wether you like it or not but if you are my friend, you most likely like it. I may be gone but I'm not dead so I expect to hear from you and heaven knows you really can't keep away from "the Bapper" no matter how hard you try so I'll pop up here and there sometimes!

Should I sue?!

So I've been coughing like a smoker for what I feel like all semester but I could be exaggerating... whatever, Anyway the last time I went to the dr. I had bronchitis and was given robitussin, now they tell me that that was not the right medicine I should be taking and that I need to take flippin' dimatapp! how lame is that! and that's after I had to call my insurance 4 times so that I could find the correct Dr. to go to cuz appearently CBU doesn't use parkview anymore...ugh I say!
In other news, if I really work hard tonight I can officially be done with all my work! maybe then I can be excited about graduating...Ok that's all I think for now.

But now I found one more thing...it what I learned in my Stokes class.
"The establishment of a Christian home is dependant on a Christian man taking the responsibility and the lead. It will not happen if he is coerced by his wife of if he feels incompetent to take the lead. Our congregations must teach men how to be godly men first in their homes, then in congregation and society. We are at a crisis. for too long, men have not led the way. The key to making a Christian home is a man who will love his wife as Christ loved the church, who will provide, nurture, and watch carefully over his children as God does for us. He will do this because he is obedient and trusting of his God who acts in this same manner toward him. A Christian home depends on a man who is in proper relationship with his God, his wife, and his children".

Thank God for those of you who found men like this, thank God for those of you who are aspiring to be like this, and Thank God for ladies who want guys like this...

what it all boils down to...

ok, so if you know anything about my life, you know that I am writing a Sr. Project, and instead of you reading 25 pages of what I wrote (I don't even want to read it) I'll give you the cliff's notes about what psychologists are saying about the youth's attitude towards God and religion.
The main thing is that they've summed up their beliefs into a "creed" called Moralistic Therapeutic Deism (say that three times fast) which is:

1. A God exists who created and orders the world and watches over human life on earth.

2. God wants people to be good, nice, and fair to each other, as taught in the Bible and by most world religions.

3. The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself.

4. God does not need to be particularly involved in one’s life except when God is needed to resolve a problem.

5. Good people go to heaven when they die.

What makes me sad is that if this is what the church is teaching our young people, we are NOT teaching the truth, and if this our young people's view of Jesus, it breaks my heart that he's been boiled down to a "Moralistic therapeutic diety". And we are raising up a very selfish generation... trust me I could go on and on about this topic ( I feel like I did I mean, 25 pages! geez!!)

I almost need to be pinched...

So my graduation announcements came in the mail today. that kind of makes it real. I mean, sure once I'm done with my work and stuff I'll say the same thing. But seriously these are pretty much my final days at CBU...more on that later. I gotta go.

i think these are my favorite words by my man Ozzie Chambers :)

Perseverance means more than endurance— more than simply holding on until the end. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, "I can’t take any more." Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God’s hands. Is there something in your life for which you need perseverance right now? Maintain your intimate relationship with Jesus Christ through the perseverance of faith. Proclaim as Job did, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" ( Job 13:15 ).

Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God.

God ventured His all in Jesus Christ to save us, and now He wants us to venture our all with total abandoned confidence in Him. There are areas in our lives where that faith has not worked in us as yet— places still untouched by the life of God. There were none of those places in Jesus Christ’s life, and there are to be none in ours. Jesus prayed, "This is eternal life, that they may know You . . ." ( John 17:3 ). The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we will take this view, life will become one great romance— a glorious opportunity of seeing wonderful things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power.

humble yourself in the sight of...

Are we only to humble ourselves before God? Or do we humble ourselves before man as well, especially when it comes to our authorities? Is there a fine line between humility and self worth? are they even in the same boat? I have an answer...what do you think?

this is something I will never understand...

God created us to be beings of relationships... "it is not good for man to be alone..." God says, so he created Eve for Adam and then they start a family (sibling rivilary at it's finest)...
So maybe I'm looking at this from Seth's point of view (that was the third child of Adam and Eve...) How did he feel? I mean he lost one brother and then his other brother was banished, never to be spoken to again... One day he had two brothers that he knew didn't get along for whatever reason and now, he's got none. His family is broken...
So you may be thinking "Danielle, where are you going with this?" and since maybe a total of 3 people actually read this, I'll let you know. My brothers frustrate the crap out of me. I'll actually say that when I see my friends interact with their siblings, I get jealous...Sure, we love each other, but it seems as if they want nothing to do with me. maybe 6 and 3 years is too far apart for interaction...it's gotten better, but I know I force a relationship with them. Why am I pouring out my heart like this? I recently had a conversation that bugged me. My brother's favorite term with me is "Don't worry about me" or "Why does that matter to you?" and with a brother like mine, I can't help it. I don't understand how a person could want that! No one to care about them? So much so that you get annoyed when people call you and ask how you are? I can expect that from friends, not family...and the wierd thing is that I don't get that from my friends. Anyway, I gotta go to work, but hopefully I can continue this later

stuck...

SO I guess this is what they call writer's block... The very paper that pretty much determines the end of my college career, and I'm flippin stuck!! I guess it is a good thing that I'm stuck at 19 pages as opposed to 9 pages but still (it's a 25 pager...barf) I hate this...Maybe i'm making myself stuck so that I don't have to think about it anymore...HELLO?!?! Danielle do you want to graduate?! geez! sigh* I can honestly say I have never been this much in a low mood ever in my life. Sure, I can think positively but I have to make an attempt. oh well, I'm going to Disneyland the day after graduation...you comin?

sometimes things just hit you...

This is why I love music....sometimes when you can't find the words yourself you'll hear a song that totally says what you want to say. and thanks to itunes being on random, Jennifer Knapp talked on my behalf...




I come into this place, burning to receive your peace
I come
with my own chains, for wars I fought for my own selfishgains

Your my God and my father, I've accepted your
son
But my soul feels so empty now, what have I become?

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please
come and free me
Refine me

My heart can't
see, when I only look at me
My soul can't hear, when I
only think of my own fears.

And they are gone in a
moment, your forever the same
Why did I look away from you,
how can i speak your name?

Lord...
Come with
your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My
has deceived me, please come and free me
Come rescue this
child, cause long to be reconciled to you...
It's all
I can do, to give my heart and soul to you
and pray.....
and pray..... and I will pray...

Lord...
Come
with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Refine
me

Refine me... Refine me...
Refine
me............

...Oh There you are Peter!!

So in my bordem today, I watched the movie "Hook". my favorite part is when the little boy moves Robin Williams' face around to find the Peter Pan that he remembers. Maybe because I have seen the movie a million times, or that I have too much time on my hands today, or what..but it just gave me a thought... Maybe that's what God does with us. We start off as one person, and somewhere along the line we "grow up" or just morph into this unrecognizable person that no one knows, not even ourselves. But God sees us as who we have always been, and if we let him, he begins to move things around to reveal the creation that he made. And he goes..."Oh there you are. so and so!!" I really gave this thought and I know it sounds dumb and childish but it's pretty cool. That and I think i have witnessed it lately, and missed out on it too. that's about it for now...

I can't get away from it can I?

I'm sure anyone over 5'9 has been labeled this at least once in their life... But i guess this time it's a good thing :)

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Now I really wish I was a flight attendant...

And my week gets crappier... Here I am reveling in the fact that I get to see cute kids on a daily basis and then Thursday comes around and the dreaded group home (my other job) rears it's ugly head...ACK!! I feel like I'm being belittled because I'm a student. And I'm just getting walked all over. And the sucky part is, I'm too much of a flippin pansy to stand up for myself and do something about it. I'll just wine and moan to other people who don't need to know and nothing gets accomplished. I hate my life. I hate myself for hating my life... I want my mom...No I want a hug...No I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIX THIS... Boo... :( I want to go to Disneyland... Welcome to the life of the grumpy grown up...

I think i should be a flight attendant...

Ha!! So I just spent the past hour standing in a hallway saying good morning to about 150 little kids. It's a part of my job. But I love it! Especially when I get those really sweet ones who don't know any better and they'll give me a hug around the knees. :)Really people, how can some of you NOT like kids?! No, I take that back. I work with the little terrors on a daily basis so I know how annoying and gross and everything else they can be. But if you can look past that, they're really great.
But I just had that thought. I could complain how all i do is stand there and say "good morning" how it's really cold in that hallway, how my boss is a little looney, and I can think of about 100 other things that I could be doing for that hour...like my personal favorite, sleeping...Lord knows i've been deprived of it lately. But I stand there, I say good morning, I smile, I block the older ones from going to the playground until they crack me a smile, I dance around to keep warm and all the teachers look at me like I'm a wierdo, I sing show tunes in my head or whatever song that comes to mind, and I just enjoy my job.
I think I apply that to my everyday life and sometimes I wonder if I need to be less upbeat. But I can't see how staying mad and looking at everything pessimistically (is that a word?) should be the alternate of being a "grown up". I say that because I've been labled immature because of my "peppiness" Don't get me wrong, sometimes I annoy myself for finding the bright side of road kill. But it's just something I cannot change. It's the very essence of my "Danielle-ness" Sure, I have my bad days, i've actually had a horrible week/weekend, partially on others behalf but horrible all the same. But the simple task of trying to cheer people up and being positive for my job(s) made life bearable...So I guess all that to say, maybe if you are down, try saying good morning to people, or have a little kid hug you around the knees. bu bye! (ahhh bu bye...SNL sketch)

Dream Like New York

So I just got back from a Tyrone Wells Concert in Redlands and....I must say, I think I'm becoming a "fan". You know the typical crazy girls you see at concerts that you'd wish they'd just shut up? The girls you hate?! Yeah...That wasn't me. BUT I did know every song (he had some new material this time which was refreshing) and I bought the latest CD and Jana' and I even took pictures with the band. And I was told that Tyrone turned around to see who was laughing... (I still don't think that one was true but whatever...) But I am glad that I got to have such a fun night...First the Prestige and now Tyrone Wells, life is sweet...But not for long.

Anyway, on a totally different note, I must say that I love my church and I love my pastor. Matt Brown spoke in chapel today and he talked about the subject of... SEX (enter dramatic music here) Only my pastor would talk about his wedding night yet still be able to tell about very real and true issues about sex that no one wants to touch.Yet I still heard comments like "if we were gonna talk about sex, we should have been separated by gender...Guys on one side and girls on the other." to them I say GROW UP!!! If you and your significant other can't have a grown up tell you about grown up issues...There's a problem. I admit there was a shock factor but...C'mon guys.

And finally, another totally different note on something that I have been learning... Letting go. We can only hold on to something for so long before we have to admit that what we want isn't within our reach and finally let go. I've been holding on to things for a long time now and I just have to let them go. It hurts to say it, but if I don't admit it then I'm only fooling myself. The question of why I hold on for so long, what will I benefit if I keep reaching and never seem to grasp what I want? And all the while while I was holding on to something else did God have something to give me that I totally missed out on because I didn't let go? Learn to let go guys, then let God handle things for awhile.
I think that's enough for now, time for bed...

Oddly enough...The Bachleor

I have to say that shows like the bachelor and "flavor of love" never EVER appealed to me. This may be the bitter Danielle side of me but...Seriously, does love make you a total idiot? Or is it television? I was forced to watch "flavor of love" (That's what I get for working with a bunch of ghetto group home girls) And it was the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed! Why, why would you set yourself up for such embarrassment? And the bachelor is no better! Yet I know so many girls who are rooting for their favorite..."Girl" ( I'm thinking of a different word, starts with an "s" ends in "lut") I really wonder if they truly think they are going to find love... Not "the one" or anything but actual true affection that isn't lust and self pride when it all comes to an end... If they think they'll find love I think they're dumber than I thought. Why am I venting about television shows I don't watch? Because enough people watch it so much so that they won't put good shows on t.v! gah! Who comes up with this? I guess that's the part that makes some of us "not of this world" huh?...meh, I'm going to bed.

Are you watching closely?

DUDE!! I just saw a really cool movie!! And really cool movies excite me very much. The Prestige was one of those movies. Watch it!! I recommend it! (and that Christian Bale isn't too bad to look at either) Sorry boys, Scarlett Johanssen is in there for ya too...Anyway, my spirits are lifted. I feel better, and that's all

i thought it was cute

this is why i would want kids...maybe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms6BtRYMtpw&eurl=

Like I was saying before...

K, so yesterday in chapel... I'm still sick so I don't know how eloquently this will be put so bear with me... The speaker was talking about how we can sometimes be too casual when we are talking to God. And something that came to me was (sadly) Animainiacs. You know, the song..."It's a great big universe and we're all really puny, we're just tiny little specks about the size of Mickey Rooney... " But seriously guys...I don't know about you but I totally related to what he was saying. Especially since I've been trying to "prune" my life.
My God is so big yet I find it a burden to try to spend time with him and this is a privilege that I have been given! If I am not mistaken, we really haven't found anything like us in this vast galaxy yet we get the honor of talking to the creator of it all; and there are still some of us who won't even admit that he exists! Does that boggle anyone else's mind?
So, eventhough I can understand where the "Jesus is the homie" intentions come from; let's not forget who we are talking about. You probably know this already, and good for you. I guess it still baffles me sometimes...

quick note

I must quickly say that chapel today was quite amazing, in terms of how I have been feeling lately. I wasn't gonna go because of how I've been feeling but I am glad I went. maybe I'll say more later. I'm still wrapping my mind around it.

still keeping my head up

Well I was hoping to write better posts since the last few have been pretty crappy. Yet I must continue with the crappiness because I'm sick. booo... appearently i have acute bronchitis, but i see nothing "a-cute" about the way I feel. Sorry for the bad pun, what are ya gonna do about it? So in the midst of it all I have to now drink lots of fluids and get rest. (ha!) what is the deal with when you're sick all you want to do is curl up in a ball and have someone take care of you? Mom used to do it, but now I rely on disney...and Alison... she brings me tea when she's here. Anyway, I should take the medicine the doctor perscribed *cough*

Midterm breakdown

So it's not midterms yet but...My life needs a good fatty prunning. Have any of you just felt like life, which potentially can be a beautiful thing, has overgrown? Suddenly, your life is taken over by knee high grass and weeds. Your cute little trumpet vines have tangled around all of your nice patio furniture and you can't safely manuver over to the back fence. Sure those plants were nice at first, add a flower bed here and there, maybe a tree or two... and now your life is unmannageable. It's controlling your moves, you're not controlling it. This is where I currently find myself. I'm aimlessly busy and very tired in every way. I just want to scream, but that would mean expending energy.

I've also been thinking about what I'm living for. I can tell ya right now, it's not God. Sure it looks like it superficially. I work at a Christian school, and with troubled girls that I have to sometimes force myself to pray for, I feel awful that I haven't hung out with any of my friends... All of my classes are Bible based...the list goes on. This is not to glorify me... but rather to make a point that I try to be involved with the Lord's work, but I question why I do these things. Most of the time, if I'm honest, it's for me. I started the job at the group home because of my desire to make a difference. The Christian school because I needed a balance from being cussed out all day, I love my major but that crazy question of "what are you going to do next?" lurkes and I can't answer that. I also can't help thinking that I'm putting a front up for myself. I'm still missing the point. All this is supposed to be FOR GOD. Not me, God. With this delema infront of me, which has been in the forefront of my mind for weeks, I've begun to seek what my life would be life if I kept God's perspective ALL THE TIME. What would it look like if I lived FOR GOD in EVERYTHING?

So I'm starting to have a heart change. I want a mass undertaking, namely, changing all of my life so that I'm living purposefully. I want every moment to reflect that I'm pressing on toward the goal of doing God's will in everything. I've also come to the conclusion that I can't do it on my own. I struggle with what my own responsibility is in these kinds of changes. I know whatever change occurs, it will be God's doing. I can't do it. I've been in prayer about this for a few days, but it's been a random cry when I'm not feeling all that great about myself. I should be more intentional and focused on seeking what God wants my life to look like.

What do you all think? What have you done to prioritize your life and make God first? What hasn't worked?

Finding inspiration

I like Inspirational quotes, poems, essays, whatever... I heard this one in the movie Akeelah and the Bee... it's good. I like it and I'll post more about life later...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What?

is different bad? is different wrong? if the same hasn't worked out so many times before than wouldn't different be welcomed? i would hope so! when something is too good to be true it usually is, yes, but can something seem that without being so? an exciting new adventure seems in order for it to be "true" it must be the "same" as every other adventure, but other adventures failed!

maybe the mountain that was attempted over and over again was just from the wrong side or not the "right" one to climb...or the wrong timing, the preperation wasn't completly there---timing has proven to be more than it's chalked up to be.... this mountain seems to not have too many boulders to move and the ones that are there are worth the effort to climb over. don't give up on the mountain, don't see the immediate struggle as bad, but as a path to something good-the beautiful view at the top of the mountain. i have faith, shakey though it may be it is strong but i cannot do it alone but i am strong to help cary knowing at some point i myself will need to be carried.

I am excited, I am true, I am cautious, but I am willing and I see the top of the mountain....give me your hand and let me give you strength as you unknowingly have given me and this may turn out to be the best mountain we have ever climbed because of that glorious view from the top

good things...

Well other than the fact that my job thinks that I don't need sleep, things that I think to be good are happening. First of all My wonderful friend Alison and I found a new place to live!! eventhough we wanted a place for ourselves, we're moving in to a house of a family that goes to Sandals. So startng September 1st I'll be living in Riverside and NOT commuting from L.A.!! and I don't care if you care or not but I think that is wonderful!!! I can't wait. downfall, it's a bit of a zoo with 2 dogs and 4 cats...and Alison has a dog, so it's 3 dogs and 4 cats...my nose will not be too happy with that.
Also, I got to see good friends this past week. I miss my friends so I'm happy when I get to see them. Days have turned into a big blur and I feel so stressed because I don't really sleep but once I figure out how to sleep, I'll be fine. Now off to care for the babies here at home *yawn*

I can now save your life

I finished a CPR /first Aid class and know I know how to save you life if you need it. So now it's really good to have me around! :) There really isn't much else to say other than I was up for a full 24 hours yesterday and that I FINALLY saw the Pirates...k I think that's it.

Let's see...

Hmmm, there's more to write than I have time for so I'll try to do this as quickly as possible...

First off I have to write an ode to my mommy. Some people think I have a big heart, after a series of events that happened this week, I must say "I get it from my momma" (I believe there's a song like that somewhere) Anyway, at my parents church (mine too on occasion) there is this group of kids that live with their grandmother because their mom is on drugs and can't take care of them and all that jazz. It is quite sad but I've seen God working in those kids lives and they really have had an "extended family" through that church. Anyway, the oldest has reached the wise old age of 15 and decided that he knows everything and doesn't need a house with rules and ran away from home for two weeks. So the kid is out there with his gang member friends and no one really know where he is on a day to day basis. You honestly would have thought it was my own flesh and blood brother that ran away the way my mommy and I worried about that boy. More so my mom. She really had sleepless nights and was on the phone with the boy's grandmother everyday that that boy was not home.
When they finally got a hold of him, my mom saw to it that she talked to him, not to yell but to know his side of the story. and she talked to him for hours. She made sure that he got other members of the church to talk to and...well, I can honestly say that he did think that no one cared about him and he now saw otherwise. This isn't the first time my mom has done that...When she says that she is concerned, she is GENUINELY concerned and she doesn't rest until things are better. Just the mom in her I guess...
Well that took longer than I though and now I have to get ready for work...

A Series of Unfortunate Events...

Not the movie or the books...Just my life. But at least in this story there is a happy ending.
Well first of all,I went to my car the other day to clean it out because it was a complete disaster in there, so I was being the good car taker that I am and was gonna clean it out. Only to discover that I left my back car door unlocked and someone broke into (granted, I did make the heist easier)my car!! argh!! I mean right in my driveway. Not on the street or anything! :( Thankfully they didn't run off with anything good...Just ALL MY CD'S!! (yes, I haven't stepped into the 21st century and gotten an ipod yet) so that swipe was a devastating blow. I think my CD collection and the area I live in don't go together so they are probably somewhere in a ditch as they flipped through and saw UCO recordings and Michael Buble' in the mix and thought "these CD's suck" But I liked them, that's why they were in MY CAR!!! But I guess no crying over spilt milk... Luckily I have itunes and most of my cd's are on there so I guess that's a plus, that and I do plan to succumb and buy an ipod in the near future...
The next thing was that at my first staff meeting I pretty much did everything wrong so in given a second chance they moved me to a new home with brand new girls (there's only one right now) and I must be re-trained I guess. So after getting off at 8am this morning, I must trek back to Riverside to get there by 6 (which means traffic) to start my (drumroll please...)15 hour work day!!! Yes, tonight I will have to be working from 6pm to 8...am...Anyone want to let me sleep over? But hey, I'll probably have a nice looking paycheck...

Let's just update shall we?

Well let's see, I started the new job and I must say that I enjoy it quite a bit. Everyday something new has been thrown at me where I had to be the adult and make the decisions and not freak out and assume the fetal position... it's pretty hard staying up all night to make sure these pregnant teens don't sneak out but thanks to the summer heat and just the simple fact that they are plain wiped out and have to be up at 6 in the morning, I haven't had to report any AWOL peeps...
Really my job in very much like being an RA but without planning events. I haven't heard the "F bomb" so much since...well high school. Limited vocabulary I guess... but really I think the profane language is the least of their problems... I like having stories to tell when I come home from work. And now I'm done talking about my job...for now.

Segue to today, I started going to a new church out here seeing as how I can't go to Sandals every Sunday. (or can I?) Anyway,he has had a Sermon series on "Security or Insecurity? That is the question" and today he started to talk about how Vision is the greatest asset to Security, I found it rather interesting. and I liked the verse that he used:
"If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; but when they attend to what He reveals, they are most blessed." Proverbs 29:18
I'll write more later...I'm tired

At 3:15 am...most people are sleeping...right?

Maybe I'm trying to accustom myself to being up until 8 in the morning!! (Wow God, this is going to be a test) That's my work schedule, 10pm until 8 am... At least I won't be in traffic when I go to work... gotta do what ya gotta do I guess...

But that's not why I was posting. Complacent Christianity has been racking my brain since small group tour last year. This past week at my church we had "Vacation Bible School" (do you guys still have that?) and one thing that bugged me about it and about that church is that it hasn't changed in like 20 years (I should know, I was born into the church) When I was a kid, VBS was the highlight of my summer, and now I just see how no one is really interested in it if they are over 14 ...but then again what 14 year old is interested in anything?

Something that happened which I don't personally agree with was; when the kids were being quizzed on what they had learned the day before... the kids that normally attend the church were not interested at all in answering any questions and were in their own little world and if you dared to bring them back to reality, you were "putting them on blast" and it irritated and hurt me to know that there are a bunch of complacent Christians that don't want to change... Sure there was a glimmer of hope with those who actually got into it and answered questions...but what about the others?

I'm totally gonna date myself here but while I was thinking, it reminded me of "the Neverending Story", when the creature called "The Nothing" is attacking the very imagination and life of everyone and everything. Eventually, the Nothing destroys it all, and there is nothing left. Mainly, because people didn't care anymore.

I wonder if that is how Christianity suffers next. Simply from nothingness, Christianity could be dealt a severe blow.

It bothers me to think about when was the last time I saw smiling faces on those kids when they are at church...maybe you know that look I'm talking about... that "Look of Nothingness" Its not a smile, its not a frown, its a very complacent and apathetic. The joy of God may be in them, but they're doing everything they can from proving its there.
Maybe I need to do something about it, but that's a whole 'nother long story that I don't want to get into

But just think about it, seeing anyone smile nowadays is a rarity. When you see someone smile, its immediately noticeable. The smile catches on, and it spreads happiness, albeit just for a fleeting moment, but the happiness is spread.

Does anyone else feel like this? What do you think?

*yawn* hmmm...mabye I'm shutting down after all...

More Sock Rockin' words by my man (and yours) C.S. Lewis...

As the Ruin Falls

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

C S Lewis

What a perfect description of the human condition. It conveys with it not only the facts but the feelings as well; the pain of knowing you're not what you want others to think you are...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

It's funny how we tend to do that only when things are either really good or really bad... Anyway, that's not why I am writing. I've said before that God has such a funny/amazing way of doing things. I have been at wit's end about my future since as long as I can remember but this summer really tested me to trust because I really had no Idea what was going to happen next since I came back from tour. Like, I had a job offer in Moreno Valley but no where to live if I did take the job. Needless to say, I didn't take the job. I had no clue about so much stuff and it made me so upset and depressed and just this down in the dumps feeling. I had to depend on so many people for just your everyday stuff. But I knew there really had to be a reason for all of this (Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling) During my search,countless interviews for jobs and so many resumes that I put out something just didn't feel right...
I remember maybe last year...(whenever Narnia came out) I was talking to Britt about how I really wanted more out of my walk with God and how I just felt like I was staying in a comfort zone and just a bunch of stuff...
I'm gonna make this long story short before it's too late. I had a job interview yesterday with a group home of teen moms and their kids in Riverside... I got a phone call today to start orientation Tuesday! I'm excited to see how God is going to use me in the lives of these girls...(but not the commute!! ack!) I think it's a little more out of my cushy baby zone and I think God is really going to show me what I'm made of...
So if you ever think about me in your prayers, pray that when I face this new thing I don't fall flat on my face...
There's so much more I want to say but I can't eloquently portray it...anyway...





P.s. side note...If you listen to India.Arie, you gotta hear her new CD Testimony, it's pretty amazing

Welcome to class...Have a Crepe'!

These among others are the witty statements my fellow classmates say when we are in our 4 hour (yes 4 hour) speech class... The story behind the above statement...
Our teacher said if she ever won the lottery, she wouldn't stop teaching but she would have like a French chef preparing everyone a dish while she talked about public speaking... It was quite funny. I guess you had to be there.

Another was...While talking about connotation and denotation and the word "lottery"
Teacher: If someone is barely making it financially, and spends $100 a week on lottery tickets"
Student: You might be a redneck?
Anyway, that's about it any ideas on a speech I could demonstrate? I've discovered I can do nothing...

So it goes...

Well it's rather late and I can't sleep because today I faced the tragedy of having a root canal done and it still hurts... Why anyone would want to be a dentist is beyond me. That is just a profession that makes me think that people like to perform cruel and unusual punishment on others... and like it. Then I started summer school today. Not a hard class just communications because my school believes that I need one more unit of communication so why not learn how to do a demonstrative, informative, and persuasive speech...again... Let's see...Silver lining in my life?? Searching...Searching....Searching... Oh yeah!! I get to go to Riverside this weekend and see wonderful people! That and God is totally providing for me even if I don't have a job... Oh well...gotta keep smiling!!

Signed, sealed, delivered- I'm Yours!!

God's that is... (I think God's a Stevie Wonder fan...) hahaha One thing I enjoy about summer is that I get to read more (due to the fact that I am broke and cannot go to the movies as much as I want...) Anyway, there was this chapel speaker awhile back and though I wasn't too impressed with her when she was speaking in chapel the book she wrote, "The burning heart contract" seems to be quite good. Anyway, she's talking about just being fully God's. Truthfully, it really isn't anything I haven't heard before... but something that she wrote and the scripture just really hit me in the head. If you really personalize Romans 6:20-23 and Romans 8:5-8 it really makes you think. Just by putting in your specific sin and your name...I don't know... it just seemed Paul was sitting in my room talking to me and it wasn't something I wanted to hear but I mos definatly heard it. Simple task, but sometimes the most simple things are pretty profound. Hopefully this warm, fuzzy feeling doesn't burn out.

sdrawkcab

Ever feel like you just keep going backwards in life? You want to act lke an adult but you just revert back to being a child? Or maybe you just felt you were supposed to have certian things done by the time you reached a certian age? Or maybe you feel like you have completly wasted everyone's time? Yeah...welcome to my life. But I can't beat myself up too much or be depressed about it but instead keep going forward and looking up to God for wisdom and learn from what I don't like and keep doing what I do like. One day this will all make sense...it has to...

Now it's Time to say goodbye....

Well, I guess I already said it. But Last week was the end of what was a HUGE part of my college life. Choir tour, choir and all that is musical and UCO related is over for me. So shoot me if I got sentimental but I can't say it wasn't a great journey. I really felt like my chapter was written for that group and it was time for me to go. Sure, I can rant about all the things that are annoying and crappy and what changed about that choir...However, I have an annoyance span of like 10 seconds so I'm pretty much over it. What I will do is say that during that last concert what brought tears was the flood of memories that came to mind as we did that final concert. I'm very big on "remember when" so that whole night was a "remember When" for me. The phone call I got from Doc telling me that he wanted me in UCO, The fact that I told him that I can hold my own but I was not a soloist. The memory of walking over to Mag and not knowing what the heck I was doing because I had never done anything like it. Being the shy me that I am and Kim Boone introducing herself. I remember how excited Doc was about how great the Black and White outfits looked and how those shoes hurt like Hades!! I remember rebelling and saying that black people don't wear red lipstick. I remember that first concert and forgetting the words to the first song. I remember when auditioning for a small group was such a big deal. I remember when "All praise rising" was our show stopper. I remembered meeting for the first time Matt that 2nd semester when Doc moved him to my side of the choir...he was quiet then...which of course made me want to know what he sounded like... hahaha. I remember the first tour and how much fun it was. I remember coming back and starting back up again...That first mini tour when we met the Bolin kid. That Mini Tour simply changed my life...stuff that God did there was just plain awesome. I remember just hanging out with people outside of choir and how it really became a family. Moving from Mag to Staples to taking a tour of the music building to stepping into that music building. I just remembered the relationships and the heartache and pain and joy we all felt with each other in that group. Memories like that just don't happen everyday. I could go on and on and on about that kind of stuff but I really don't think i need to. Those are the things I will hold on to. Those are the thing I will miss. Those are the things that I will try to learn from and put to use un everyday life. So thanks UCO...thanks for the memories.

intercessory worry...

There is something in me that is either a blessing or a curse, but I seem to always worry about my friends. Maybe because God has blessed me with the most AMAZING friends and I feel as if nothing bad should ever happen to them. I know that's a pipe dream but days like these make me very sad. Today a friend came to me with disappointing news that made her feel as if something was wrong with her. This has to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met and to me, it's wrong that because she did not get the approval of someone else; she feels as if "obviously" there is something wrong with them.
I've been down this road before...the road of "not good enough". Why is it that one person can make you feel totally inadequate? Can make you doubt your talent or abilities; or worse make you feel like you have none? Why do we concern ourselves SO much on what others think of us? You always want to find that silver lining and "accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative" but when that negative rears its ugly head and there is NOTHING you can do about it to eliminate it, life tends to suck. I know we all have had those times when something did not go as planned and you hear "you're going to look back on this and laugh" or "it's going to be ok", But that gut feeling of "I'm not laughing" or "I don't see how it is going to be ok" is when I think is where we need God and encouraging people most. I'm not sure where I want to go with this just yet so I'll continue later...

Music of 2nd chance

I have to admit that the first time that I heard Michael Buble', I did not like him. (I know...I'm an abomination) but ever connect an experience with music? I know you have... a song will remind you of someone or a day that you sang that song... I'm sure that you have. and Something about Michael Buble' and his music brought up a bad experience. So I should refute my statement and not say that I do not like Michael Buble' but the first experience I encountered with his music, wasn't a happy one. I gave him a 2nd chance thanks to my wonderful friends Matt and Brittany quite awhile ago and although I'm not as big as fans as they are but he is quite good.
Why am I rambling about Michael Buble' you may ask? Because I found his Cd the other day and I love him... But I swear that everytime I hear this song, I think someone else wrote it and I've heard it before. or maybe it just hits "home" right now...

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Red or Blue pill

If I had a pill that would make you stop the one thing that you think is keeping you from a closer walk with God, would you take it? Or would you have to think about it because you like the sin, it's just that you don't like the consequences of the sin? Examples could be if "I had a pill to make me stop drinking..." But you may say to yourself "I don't get drunk" so I can't apply that to me. So I used my own example...If I had a pill that would make me stop being so lazy...Or stop being jealous, or having the need for praise from everyone I know...Would I take it? Do I like the state that I'm in of being miserable so I can blame it on something else and not own up to my own selfish nature? These are the questions that are in my head right now. It seems as if the more I learn, the excuse of "ignorance is bliss" is in vain. I love learning too much to stop so I guess I have to realize that as much as I wish the world revolved around me... It doesn't.

err is to human as forgive is to...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the distinction Jesus made between body, mind, and soul (more commonly known as heart). Ive also been thinking a lot about the lack of distinction between the three among our culture. The three have their fair share of sins, which are equally as distinct as the heart, body, and mind. I've noticed how public certain sins are, making them easily seen by all, and how some sins are hidden so deep that no one sees them. I have to think that is why Proverbs says, All mans ways are innocent to him, but God looks at the heart.



Sins of the body are by far the most obvious. Drunkenness, lying, cheating, stealing, infidelity, drug addiction, and violence these all are very easily spotted, and very easily proven to be true. They are also the easiest to overcome. I by no means say they are easy to overcome, as they can plague a person for life, but they are by far the easiest. This is namely because they're almost always brought to the light, and once exposed there are many factors that lead to the recovery and prevention of these sins. Even the least spiritual people look down on them and discourage them. Friends or enemies both lead to the discouragement of these sins, and some can even be forcefully controlled, such as being sentanced to jail. Sins of the mind can often be treated with counseling, therapy, guidance from wiser people, and in some cases with medical attention. Sins of the heart most certainly cannot be treated by any human, only God can change ones heart. But the body is a wicked thing, with wicked desires... these sins often do not reflect one's heart. Thus the reason Paul said, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Sins of the flesh are horrible, but certainly the least severe of the three.



Sins of the mind are more severe than sins of the flesh, but still not the worst. Some minds work better than others, so these are very relative. One can have a weak mind but a good heart, and this is a very common thing, from simple lack of experience to mental illnesses. Not to harbor too much on it but Jesus says, To whom much is given, much is expected. Some minds simply do not work as well as others, However, sins of the mind are still not so difficult to notice with simple attention. The most obvious way to notice these sins are to listen to ones words. Thus the Proverb, where words are many, sin is not absent. Controlling ones tongue is a good thing, but when used incorrectly, it can mask sins of the mind and be devastating. Often holding ones tongue quickly turns into the downward spiral of lying. I've learned, when sins of my mind are exposed, those who love me jump in and encourage me to stop, and those who hate me slander me to the point of wanting to stop. Both are effective, although insulting often tears ones confidence down, leading to even more weakness. But again, weakness of mind does not always reflect a weakness of heart, and can be treated with the help of others, and simply life experience.



Sins of the heart are by far the most dangerous. These include pride, judgment, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, and things of the sort. These sins go deep into ones soul, and are extremely hard to treat. While an alcoholic can have his drink taken from him, a criminal can be locked up, one with a weak mind can have counseling or medical help, the only person who can treat sins of the heart is God. There is no human control over ones heart. Honestly, I dont know how God goes about this, or how a person even gets God to do this. As "sweet-tempered" as people think I am, this is one callused heart. It takes alot of time with God to not just fly off the handle when I really REALLY want to. Plus other issues that I deal with myself... I have a strong feeling this is why God has said, You will be judged to the measure at which you judge others... and I can't fairly judge someone else's wickedness when I am wicked myself. Quite frankly self control and mental stability have never been my strong point. I know that I am FAR from perfect (sometimes I feel I'm FAR from the person other people see)- if I judge anyone for anything, Im going to hell in a hand basket. :) The one thing I must keep in check is my heart. As long as I forgive others for their sins, I'll be forgiven (which is no excuse to keep sinning... you'll be miserable if you do). Vice versa, Jesus said if I do not forgive every sin commited against me, God will not forgive mine... which again means hell in a jiffy. Sins of the body and mind are cured with maturity, with learning from mistakes, and flat out growing up. With dedication and help from others, they're easily overcome. Sins of the heart are often taken to the grave, with pride by far being the most difficult to overcome. Vanity is by far Satans favorite sin. Vanity leads to lack of forgiveness, which leads to hell. Vanity is the ultimate sin. (for more on that, read Mere Christianity... C S Lewis is the best with that)

John 8
(The Pharisees) said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Sometimes we don't think it could happen...

This is an article that was sent to me by my cousin...we need to pray for our nation guys... nuff said

Afghan convert may be unfit for trial

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — An Afghan man facing a possible death penalty for converting from Islam to Christianity may be mentally unfit to stand trial, a state prosecutor said Wednesday.

Abdul Rahman, an Afghan who converted from Islam to Christianity, is interviewed in Kabul on March 16.
APTN/Ariana Television

Abdul Rahman, 41, has been charged with rejecting Islam, a crime under this country's Islamic laws. His trial started last week and he confessed to becoming a Christian 16 years ago. If convicted, he could be executed.

But prosecutor Sarinwal Zamari said questions have been raised about his mental fitness.

"We think he could be mad. He is not a normal person. He doesn't talk like a normal person," he told The Associated Press.

Moayuddin Baluch, a religious adviser to President Hamid Karzai, said Rahman would undergo a psychological examination.

"Doctors must examine him," he said. "If he is mentally unfit, definitely Islam has no claim to punish him. He must be forgiven. The case must be dropped."

It was not immediately clear when he would be examined or when the trial would resume. Authorities have barred attempts by the AP to see Rahman and he is not believed to have a lawyer.

A Western diplomat in Kabul and a human rights advocate — both of whom spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter — said the government was desperately searching for a way to drop the case because of the reaction it has caused.

The United States, Britain and other countries that have troops in Afghanistan have voiced concern about Rahman's fate.

The Bush administration Tuesday issued a subdued appeal to Kabul to let Rahman practice his faith in safety. German Roman Catholic Cardinal Karl Lehmann said the trial sent an "alarming signal" about freedom of worship in Afghanistan.

The case is believed to be the first of its kind in Afghanistan and highlights a struggle between religious conservatives and reformists over what shape Islam should take there four years after the ouster of the fundamentalist Taliban regime.

Afghanistan's constitution is based on Shariah law, which is interpreted by many Muslims to require that any Muslim who rejects Islam be sentenced to death. The state-sponsored Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission has called for Rahman to be punished, arguing he clearly violated Islamic law.

The case has received widespread attention in Afghanistan where many people are demanding Rahman be severely punished.

"For 30 years, we have fought religious wars in this country and there is no way we are going to allow an Afghan to insult us by becoming Christian," said Mohammed Jan, 38, who lives opposite Rahman's father, Abdul Manan, in Kabul. "This has brought so much shame."

Rahman is believed to have converted from Islam to Christianity while working as a medical aid worker for an international Christian group helping Afghan refugees in the Pakistani city of Peshawar.

He then moved to Germany for nine years before returning to Kabul in 2002, after the ouster of the hard-line Taliban regime.

Police arrested him last month after discovering him in possession of a Bible during questioning over a dispute for custody of his two daughters. Prosecutors have offered to drop the charges if Rahman converts back to Islam, but he has refused.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

interesting series of events...

There were lots of things that I learned today that I partially gave me a headache, but somehow makes sense.
~ Let's start with chapel today... I like the fact that Campus ministries wants us to pray as a University, but I'm not sure if I agree with the way it was done today; but that's just one person's opinion. Sadly, I don't think that people are going to be "real" with the person sitting next to them and ask for prayer. I know I was sitting next to one of my closest friends so I know what's going on in their life, but the person they had to pray with, although they knew each other, it was still awkward to spill their guts to that person. So still you give a surface "real" answer. I don't think we are called to tell our deepest darkest secrets to one another just to be authentic. Chances are you're not gonna anyway. That's why you have those people close to you and I don't think that's a bad thing.
~However, I did like the speaker in chapel today and how he expressed that we need to own up to responsibilites of what's going on in our lives and not blame it on God or the enemy. Sometimes, it's just us that messed up. But it goes back to what I was saying that we need to realize that we aren't perfect and can be "bad" at our Christian walk but need to work on it. So yeah, "do not be anxious for anything" but don't sit and wait for the clouds to part and everything be laid out perfectly for you.
~In my class we were learning about prayer, (and I'd really like input on this topic... How do you deal with "pray without ceasing"? Does it mean that every thought or everything you do you should be praying? Something that my professor said that just made sense to me was, Once I graduate and recieve my degree, and I'm just walking down the halls and I say goodbye to my professor and he says to me "learn without ceasing" Does it mean don't stop at a Bachleor's? Go on until I can get every degree possible? or does it mean that in every circumstance, learn from it? the same goes with praying. Praying has to be an everyday occurance. In every circumstance, pray. Not just after you get something and then don't pray. Also, when you pray, does it have to be audible...meaning do you have to speak? There's nowhere where it says that thoughts are considered prayers but... He knows our thoughts...this is where confusion strikes and my head hurts...so maybe I can figure it out another day... until next time

Bad Christian? Perish the thought!

C.S. Lewis rocketh my socks... I need to write and what better place to do so than here so here goes...

"When a man who accepts Christian doctrine lives unworthily of it, it is much clearer to say that he is a bad Christian than to say he is not a Christian.” ~ C.S. Lewis, in the preface of the book, Mere Christianity



C.S. Lewis went to a place where few preachers dare go – he actually said it – you can be bad at being a Christian and still be a Christian. This is without a doubt dangerous ground, because it is easy to become stale, and God clearly said ‘You can be hot, or you can be cold, but if you are lukewarm I will spew you out of my mouth.’ However, there are still two facts, tried and true, that cannot be changed. The first is, you can become a Christian instantly. Christ clearly stated that fact – “Confess with your mouth and believe in your heart, and you will be saved.” If you acknowledge the teachings of Christ, and commit to following them, you are a Christian. The second fact is, you cannot become a good Christian instantly. It’s no more than common sense – I would believe that my guitar playing friends would agree with me if I say if you start playing guitar, it will be a good bit of time before you will be a good guitar player (haha I can't get past smelly cat). That is no reason to give up – you can call yourself a guitar player the second you purchase one and begin to learn. You are simply a bad guitar player, and that’s quite all right, for a certain period of time. If you’ve been playing for years and are no better than you were at first, there’s something quite wrong, but as long as you continue to improve, there’s no place in anyone to insult your progress. While one man may have a more natural makeup to play guitar, that doesn’t exactly mean he has tried harder. To whom much is given much is expected; only you and God know if you are working at the pace you should be. Seeing as chastity, temperance, humility, and all the other Christian virtues are in the opposite direction of your natural desires, it’s certainly going to take some time to become good at adopting the Christian virtues. Do not be discouraged by the fact that you are a bad Christian – it’s quite all right, just so long as you never stop practicing.


Here’s another way to look at it. You know that taking smaller bites of food and chewing them slowly is a healthier way to eat, right? Many of us, despite knowing this fact, inhale our food. This overloads our body, and due to not chewing our food properly, our body cannot get all the nutrients out of the food before it turns to waste. The same goes for Christianity – there is so much to be taken in, it must be done slowly and carefully. The person who inhales the entire meal may be able to say, “yep, I am a better eater than you, I am already done”, but get very little quality or enjoyment out of it. Meanwhile, the very slow eater, who may seem to be inferior at the practice, is getting proper nourishment and enjoying his meal at the same time. I have seen many eager Christians (including myself) constantly bite off more than they can chew, trying to make themselves a perfect Christian overnight, only to find themselves disappointed when their efforts turn to waste (I have actually seen this go on for years upon end). One man may say, ‘I am going to stop cursing, drinking, smoking, lusting, pay all my bills on time, get out of debt, get in healthy shape, clean up my room, and read my bible every day’. Meanwhile his friend says, ‘I’m going to deal with the smoking, drinking, debt, lust, and all that stuff later – right now I am just going to try and stop looking down my nose at people I don’t prefer. I’ll confront those other issues when I get this one down.’ While the first man may hold up for a while and seem to be getting further along, appearing to be a better Christian, he will quickly find he has bitten off more than he can chew and all his efforts turn to waste. Meanwhile, the second man, while not coming along as fast, will slowly overcome his flesh and eventually digest more training and wisdom than the other man. Don’t try and bite off more than you can chew – it’s ok to be a bad Christian for a time, and I would go so far as to say it is unavoidable. No one is good at something overnight. You can become a Christian overnight, but take your time becoming good at it. Practice makes perfect. Pick up your guitar and learn the basics, and when you’re ready, move on to the next level. Chew your food slowly and enjoy each bite – take another when your body is ready. Believe in God, study Jesus teachings, and though it will take years, that’s quite normal and alright – with God’s help and some hard effort on your end, you’ll get there.

Just a thought...

Raindrops on roses...

So I've been stressed out lately but I try to hide it well. But I just decided to write things that make me smile, beam, giddy...Whatever...
~ Jesus totally working for the "good of those who love Him". Like, there's no explanation for it besides the fact that He loves you. I LOVE THAT!!!
~ Jana'...She's amazing!! I'd need a total blog to explain the amazingness that is Jana'!! (If you know her, you'd agree!!)
~ People visiting me when I'm on duty Like Margaretann and Mary
~ MySpace Comments (and I guess blogger comments)
~ Going to the Movies with Esther (or anytime spent for that matter)
~Going to Chipotle with Britt
~ Evan and his "favorites" and the "turtle song"
~ DISNEYLAND!!! Give me Fantasmic! and I'm a happy woman
~ Notes just because
~ Presents just because
~ MY RA STAFF!!!
~ Kris Dorn... JP's husband...Tall love is the greatest haha
~ Everytime Alison and I hang out
~ BJ's Pizookie
~ MY GIRLS!!! Cottages 8&9 Make my life!!!
~ the Richey family
~ Matthew Mason- I'm a fan of that kid!
~ Giving a gift that's totally something somebody wanted... when I have the money
~Stevie Wonder songs
~ Tuesday nights!
~ Quoting Movies
~ HUGS!!
~ the fact that Katie Flynn lets me call her Katie80!
~ When I actually understand something that I didn't get
~ cooking for other people
~ Really good love songs
~ Who can forget dolphins!!
~ Nature...Just being outside and taking all of God's handiwork in...
~ People in UCO
~ Peter Epler nicknaming me "giggles"
~ Laura Bugbee's energy
~ Meghan's fascinations with my 3 weirdness and incorporating it into an everyday encounter
~ My MOPS babies
~ Yannick and Sam...that relationship makes me smile among others
~ Taking Pictures
~ looking at stars in the sky
~ singing at the top of my lungs in the car
~ singing a really good song
~ Gummy bears
~ my folks (most of the time)
~ Talking with Lindsey Boatman
~ Shanda!!
~ Being a total weirdo with my friends and knowing that they're doing the exact same thing with me
~ Steff and I being the same person!!
~ Having those really GOOD conversations with people that you never want to end
~ Joking around with people (what was in the fish? Cookies!!)
there are probably so much more but I think that's enough for now...until next time!

Because I said so... saith the Lord

Maybe it was just me, but I remember when I was a kid, I never wanted to make my bed. Sure, I'd clean my room but making the bed seemed pointless. I mean, sure it looked nice when your room was clean but what happens at night? you mess it right back up again! and you'd have to do it all over again so what was the point? I always got the profound words from my mother "because I said so..."
For my Christian Doctrine class, I had to read Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God and had to write a paper from what I concluded from the book. which tried to answer the question of if God is Sovereign, why do we as humans need to "go ye therefore..." I believe every Christian has succumbed at one time or another to the mistaken belief that we are somehow responsible for the results of our evangelistic efforts. When we speak with a friend for hours and share our faith with that person but are able to secure no prayer of faith and repentance, we assume that we have done something wrong. We assume, perhaps, that our arguments are not persuasive enough or that we do not believe strongly enough what we claim to believe. But, thankfully, this is not the case. We are responsible to present the gospel faithfully and forcibly, but are not responsible for the result. When we have finished our task, we are to rejoice regardless of any result - we should rejoice as much if we have seen no conversion than if we have. In either case we should rejoice in the opportunity God gave us to share the awesome truths of His Word and to be faithful servants. We can rest in the confidence that we were faithful and can know that His will will be done.
I'm not saying that we all have to do it the same way...but we do. The question is still Why do we have to give a “clear and forciable” presentation of the gospel when we acknowledge that the clarity and foribleness of the presentation have nothing to do with the end result? All I can think of is "Because God said so..."
Ok, I think I'm done pretending I'm smart now...

Learning...

Well, now I am 23. I don't feel much of a difference but hey, that too will change. My birthday party was quite fun. Lots of people I love were there and some I love weren't but there was valid reason and I totally know that it was nothing against me.
But something did happen yesterday that I wasn't sure to do with. I have this idea in my head that I'm liked by everyone I come in close contact with. Once you get to know me, we're pretty much buddies. And I happen to like it that way. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or say that I am the most popular person on the planet or anything of the sort. But my friends usually give me the impression that they genuinely like me and that I am a good person. However, yesterday I was told by e-mail that I was being a jerk so someone that I considered my friend. I made her feel like she wasn't cool enough to hang out with me. I made her feel as if I was pushing her away, and basically what I fear most in my friendships, I was doing to her. But I don't know if this is my selfish nature or what but I really don't think I was doing that. The same thing that I have felt and promised myself not to do is what I seem to be doing to her. Maybe I just didn't want to hear this news on my birthday. "Hey Danielle, just wanted to let you know on your birthday...You're a jerk." :-/ I love it how people tell me not to let it bother you but what if it's true? Maybe I do need to take a step back and reevaluate the way I treat people. Maybe I am a jerk. Of course people will say "oh no you're not" but I always have that inkling in the back of my head saying that that's just want they want you to hear...hmm....Maybe I need to go to the source. But like my conductor says "everything matters but not too much." Maybe its ok that some people think I'm a jerk...

and another one...

So I seem to be addicted to these blog thingies...I've tried them all and so I wanted to see what this one is so special too...Hopefully I'll try to post something of meaning and not just useless facts here...but then again sometimes useless facts just work out that way. Anyway that's enough for now...I have plenty of time to post later.