Learning...

Well, now I am 23. I don't feel much of a difference but hey, that too will change. My birthday party was quite fun. Lots of people I love were there and some I love weren't but there was valid reason and I totally know that it was nothing against me.
But something did happen yesterday that I wasn't sure to do with. I have this idea in my head that I'm liked by everyone I come in close contact with. Once you get to know me, we're pretty much buddies. And I happen to like it that way. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or say that I am the most popular person on the planet or anything of the sort. But my friends usually give me the impression that they genuinely like me and that I am a good person. However, yesterday I was told by e-mail that I was being a jerk so someone that I considered my friend. I made her feel like she wasn't cool enough to hang out with me. I made her feel as if I was pushing her away, and basically what I fear most in my friendships, I was doing to her. But I don't know if this is my selfish nature or what but I really don't think I was doing that. The same thing that I have felt and promised myself not to do is what I seem to be doing to her. Maybe I just didn't want to hear this news on my birthday. "Hey Danielle, just wanted to let you know on your birthday...You're a jerk." :-/ I love it how people tell me not to let it bother you but what if it's true? Maybe I do need to take a step back and reevaluate the way I treat people. Maybe I am a jerk. Of course people will say "oh no you're not" but I always have that inkling in the back of my head saying that that's just want they want you to hear...hmm....Maybe I need to go to the source. But like my conductor says "everything matters but not too much." Maybe its ok that some people think I'm a jerk...