I almost need to be pinched...

So my graduation announcements came in the mail today. that kind of makes it real. I mean, sure once I'm done with my work and stuff I'll say the same thing. But seriously these are pretty much my final days at CBU...more on that later. I gotta go.

i think these are my favorite words by my man Ozzie Chambers :)

Perseverance means more than endurance— more than simply holding on until the end. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, "I can’t take any more." Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God’s hands. Is there something in your life for which you need perseverance right now? Maintain your intimate relationship with Jesus Christ through the perseverance of faith. Proclaim as Job did, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" ( Job 13:15 ).

Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God.

God ventured His all in Jesus Christ to save us, and now He wants us to venture our all with total abandoned confidence in Him. There are areas in our lives where that faith has not worked in us as yet— places still untouched by the life of God. There were none of those places in Jesus Christ’s life, and there are to be none in ours. Jesus prayed, "This is eternal life, that they may know You . . ." ( John 17:3 ). The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we will take this view, life will become one great romance— a glorious opportunity of seeing wonderful things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power.

humble yourself in the sight of...

Are we only to humble ourselves before God? Or do we humble ourselves before man as well, especially when it comes to our authorities? Is there a fine line between humility and self worth? are they even in the same boat? I have an answer...what do you think?

this is something I will never understand...

God created us to be beings of relationships... "it is not good for man to be alone..." God says, so he created Eve for Adam and then they start a family (sibling rivilary at it's finest)...
So maybe I'm looking at this from Seth's point of view (that was the third child of Adam and Eve...) How did he feel? I mean he lost one brother and then his other brother was banished, never to be spoken to again... One day he had two brothers that he knew didn't get along for whatever reason and now, he's got none. His family is broken...
So you may be thinking "Danielle, where are you going with this?" and since maybe a total of 3 people actually read this, I'll let you know. My brothers frustrate the crap out of me. I'll actually say that when I see my friends interact with their siblings, I get jealous...Sure, we love each other, but it seems as if they want nothing to do with me. maybe 6 and 3 years is too far apart for interaction...it's gotten better, but I know I force a relationship with them. Why am I pouring out my heart like this? I recently had a conversation that bugged me. My brother's favorite term with me is "Don't worry about me" or "Why does that matter to you?" and with a brother like mine, I can't help it. I don't understand how a person could want that! No one to care about them? So much so that you get annoyed when people call you and ask how you are? I can expect that from friends, not family...and the wierd thing is that I don't get that from my friends. Anyway, I gotta go to work, but hopefully I can continue this later

stuck...

SO I guess this is what they call writer's block... The very paper that pretty much determines the end of my college career, and I'm flippin stuck!! I guess it is a good thing that I'm stuck at 19 pages as opposed to 9 pages but still (it's a 25 pager...barf) I hate this...Maybe i'm making myself stuck so that I don't have to think about it anymore...HELLO?!?! Danielle do you want to graduate?! geez! sigh* I can honestly say I have never been this much in a low mood ever in my life. Sure, I can think positively but I have to make an attempt. oh well, I'm going to Disneyland the day after graduation...you comin?

sometimes things just hit you...

This is why I love music....sometimes when you can't find the words yourself you'll hear a song that totally says what you want to say. and thanks to itunes being on random, Jennifer Knapp talked on my behalf...




I come into this place, burning to receive your peace
I come
with my own chains, for wars I fought for my own selfishgains

Your my God and my father, I've accepted your
son
But my soul feels so empty now, what have I become?

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please
come and free me
Refine me

My heart can't
see, when I only look at me
My soul can't hear, when I
only think of my own fears.

And they are gone in a
moment, your forever the same
Why did I look away from you,
how can i speak your name?

Lord...
Come with
your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My
has deceived me, please come and free me
Come rescue this
child, cause long to be reconciled to you...
It's all
I can do, to give my heart and soul to you
and pray.....
and pray..... and I will pray...

Lord...
Come
with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Refine
me

Refine me... Refine me...
Refine
me............

...Oh There you are Peter!!

So in my bordem today, I watched the movie "Hook". my favorite part is when the little boy moves Robin Williams' face around to find the Peter Pan that he remembers. Maybe because I have seen the movie a million times, or that I have too much time on my hands today, or what..but it just gave me a thought... Maybe that's what God does with us. We start off as one person, and somewhere along the line we "grow up" or just morph into this unrecognizable person that no one knows, not even ourselves. But God sees us as who we have always been, and if we let him, he begins to move things around to reveal the creation that he made. And he goes..."Oh there you are. so and so!!" I really gave this thought and I know it sounds dumb and childish but it's pretty cool. That and I think i have witnessed it lately, and missed out on it too. that's about it for now...

I can't get away from it can I?

I'm sure anyone over 5'9 has been labeled this at least once in their life... But i guess this time it's a good thing :)

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Now I really wish I was a flight attendant...

And my week gets crappier... Here I am reveling in the fact that I get to see cute kids on a daily basis and then Thursday comes around and the dreaded group home (my other job) rears it's ugly head...ACK!! I feel like I'm being belittled because I'm a student. And I'm just getting walked all over. And the sucky part is, I'm too much of a flippin pansy to stand up for myself and do something about it. I'll just wine and moan to other people who don't need to know and nothing gets accomplished. I hate my life. I hate myself for hating my life... I want my mom...No I want a hug...No I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIX THIS... Boo... :( I want to go to Disneyland... Welcome to the life of the grumpy grown up...

I think i should be a flight attendant...

Ha!! So I just spent the past hour standing in a hallway saying good morning to about 150 little kids. It's a part of my job. But I love it! Especially when I get those really sweet ones who don't know any better and they'll give me a hug around the knees. :)Really people, how can some of you NOT like kids?! No, I take that back. I work with the little terrors on a daily basis so I know how annoying and gross and everything else they can be. But if you can look past that, they're really great.
But I just had that thought. I could complain how all i do is stand there and say "good morning" how it's really cold in that hallway, how my boss is a little looney, and I can think of about 100 other things that I could be doing for that hour...like my personal favorite, sleeping...Lord knows i've been deprived of it lately. But I stand there, I say good morning, I smile, I block the older ones from going to the playground until they crack me a smile, I dance around to keep warm and all the teachers look at me like I'm a wierdo, I sing show tunes in my head or whatever song that comes to mind, and I just enjoy my job.
I think I apply that to my everyday life and sometimes I wonder if I need to be less upbeat. But I can't see how staying mad and looking at everything pessimistically (is that a word?) should be the alternate of being a "grown up". I say that because I've been labled immature because of my "peppiness" Don't get me wrong, sometimes I annoy myself for finding the bright side of road kill. But it's just something I cannot change. It's the very essence of my "Danielle-ness" Sure, I have my bad days, i've actually had a horrible week/weekend, partially on others behalf but horrible all the same. But the simple task of trying to cheer people up and being positive for my job(s) made life bearable...So I guess all that to say, maybe if you are down, try saying good morning to people, or have a little kid hug you around the knees. bu bye! (ahhh bu bye...SNL sketch)

Dream Like New York

So I just got back from a Tyrone Wells Concert in Redlands and....I must say, I think I'm becoming a "fan". You know the typical crazy girls you see at concerts that you'd wish they'd just shut up? The girls you hate?! Yeah...That wasn't me. BUT I did know every song (he had some new material this time which was refreshing) and I bought the latest CD and Jana' and I even took pictures with the band. And I was told that Tyrone turned around to see who was laughing... (I still don't think that one was true but whatever...) But I am glad that I got to have such a fun night...First the Prestige and now Tyrone Wells, life is sweet...But not for long.

Anyway, on a totally different note, I must say that I love my church and I love my pastor. Matt Brown spoke in chapel today and he talked about the subject of... SEX (enter dramatic music here) Only my pastor would talk about his wedding night yet still be able to tell about very real and true issues about sex that no one wants to touch.Yet I still heard comments like "if we were gonna talk about sex, we should have been separated by gender...Guys on one side and girls on the other." to them I say GROW UP!!! If you and your significant other can't have a grown up tell you about grown up issues...There's a problem. I admit there was a shock factor but...C'mon guys.

And finally, another totally different note on something that I have been learning... Letting go. We can only hold on to something for so long before we have to admit that what we want isn't within our reach and finally let go. I've been holding on to things for a long time now and I just have to let them go. It hurts to say it, but if I don't admit it then I'm only fooling myself. The question of why I hold on for so long, what will I benefit if I keep reaching and never seem to grasp what I want? And all the while while I was holding on to something else did God have something to give me that I totally missed out on because I didn't let go? Learn to let go guys, then let God handle things for awhile.
I think that's enough for now, time for bed...

Oddly enough...The Bachleor

I have to say that shows like the bachelor and "flavor of love" never EVER appealed to me. This may be the bitter Danielle side of me but...Seriously, does love make you a total idiot? Or is it television? I was forced to watch "flavor of love" (That's what I get for working with a bunch of ghetto group home girls) And it was the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed! Why, why would you set yourself up for such embarrassment? And the bachelor is no better! Yet I know so many girls who are rooting for their favorite..."Girl" ( I'm thinking of a different word, starts with an "s" ends in "lut") I really wonder if they truly think they are going to find love... Not "the one" or anything but actual true affection that isn't lust and self pride when it all comes to an end... If they think they'll find love I think they're dumber than I thought. Why am I venting about television shows I don't watch? Because enough people watch it so much so that they won't put good shows on t.v! gah! Who comes up with this? I guess that's the part that makes some of us "not of this world" huh?...meh, I'm going to bed.

Are you watching closely?

DUDE!! I just saw a really cool movie!! And really cool movies excite me very much. The Prestige was one of those movies. Watch it!! I recommend it! (and that Christian Bale isn't too bad to look at either) Sorry boys, Scarlett Johanssen is in there for ya too...Anyway, my spirits are lifted. I feel better, and that's all

i thought it was cute

this is why i would want kids...maybe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms6BtRYMtpw&eurl=

Like I was saying before...

K, so yesterday in chapel... I'm still sick so I don't know how eloquently this will be put so bear with me... The speaker was talking about how we can sometimes be too casual when we are talking to God. And something that came to me was (sadly) Animainiacs. You know, the song..."It's a great big universe and we're all really puny, we're just tiny little specks about the size of Mickey Rooney... " But seriously guys...I don't know about you but I totally related to what he was saying. Especially since I've been trying to "prune" my life.
My God is so big yet I find it a burden to try to spend time with him and this is a privilege that I have been given! If I am not mistaken, we really haven't found anything like us in this vast galaxy yet we get the honor of talking to the creator of it all; and there are still some of us who won't even admit that he exists! Does that boggle anyone else's mind?
So, eventhough I can understand where the "Jesus is the homie" intentions come from; let's not forget who we are talking about. You probably know this already, and good for you. I guess it still baffles me sometimes...

quick note

I must quickly say that chapel today was quite amazing, in terms of how I have been feeling lately. I wasn't gonna go because of how I've been feeling but I am glad I went. maybe I'll say more later. I'm still wrapping my mind around it.

still keeping my head up

Well I was hoping to write better posts since the last few have been pretty crappy. Yet I must continue with the crappiness because I'm sick. booo... appearently i have acute bronchitis, but i see nothing "a-cute" about the way I feel. Sorry for the bad pun, what are ya gonna do about it? So in the midst of it all I have to now drink lots of fluids and get rest. (ha!) what is the deal with when you're sick all you want to do is curl up in a ball and have someone take care of you? Mom used to do it, but now I rely on disney...and Alison... she brings me tea when she's here. Anyway, I should take the medicine the doctor perscribed *cough*

Midterm breakdown

So it's not midterms yet but...My life needs a good fatty prunning. Have any of you just felt like life, which potentially can be a beautiful thing, has overgrown? Suddenly, your life is taken over by knee high grass and weeds. Your cute little trumpet vines have tangled around all of your nice patio furniture and you can't safely manuver over to the back fence. Sure those plants were nice at first, add a flower bed here and there, maybe a tree or two... and now your life is unmannageable. It's controlling your moves, you're not controlling it. This is where I currently find myself. I'm aimlessly busy and very tired in every way. I just want to scream, but that would mean expending energy.

I've also been thinking about what I'm living for. I can tell ya right now, it's not God. Sure it looks like it superficially. I work at a Christian school, and with troubled girls that I have to sometimes force myself to pray for, I feel awful that I haven't hung out with any of my friends... All of my classes are Bible based...the list goes on. This is not to glorify me... but rather to make a point that I try to be involved with the Lord's work, but I question why I do these things. Most of the time, if I'm honest, it's for me. I started the job at the group home because of my desire to make a difference. The Christian school because I needed a balance from being cussed out all day, I love my major but that crazy question of "what are you going to do next?" lurkes and I can't answer that. I also can't help thinking that I'm putting a front up for myself. I'm still missing the point. All this is supposed to be FOR GOD. Not me, God. With this delema infront of me, which has been in the forefront of my mind for weeks, I've begun to seek what my life would be life if I kept God's perspective ALL THE TIME. What would it look like if I lived FOR GOD in EVERYTHING?

So I'm starting to have a heart change. I want a mass undertaking, namely, changing all of my life so that I'm living purposefully. I want every moment to reflect that I'm pressing on toward the goal of doing God's will in everything. I've also come to the conclusion that I can't do it on my own. I struggle with what my own responsibility is in these kinds of changes. I know whatever change occurs, it will be God's doing. I can't do it. I've been in prayer about this for a few days, but it's been a random cry when I'm not feeling all that great about myself. I should be more intentional and focused on seeking what God wants my life to look like.

What do you all think? What have you done to prioritize your life and make God first? What hasn't worked?

Finding inspiration

I like Inspirational quotes, poems, essays, whatever... I heard this one in the movie Akeelah and the Bee... it's good. I like it and I'll post more about life later...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What?

is different bad? is different wrong? if the same hasn't worked out so many times before than wouldn't different be welcomed? i would hope so! when something is too good to be true it usually is, yes, but can something seem that without being so? an exciting new adventure seems in order for it to be "true" it must be the "same" as every other adventure, but other adventures failed!

maybe the mountain that was attempted over and over again was just from the wrong side or not the "right" one to climb...or the wrong timing, the preperation wasn't completly there---timing has proven to be more than it's chalked up to be.... this mountain seems to not have too many boulders to move and the ones that are there are worth the effort to climb over. don't give up on the mountain, don't see the immediate struggle as bad, but as a path to something good-the beautiful view at the top of the mountain. i have faith, shakey though it may be it is strong but i cannot do it alone but i am strong to help cary knowing at some point i myself will need to be carried.

I am excited, I am true, I am cautious, but I am willing and I see the top of the mountain....give me your hand and let me give you strength as you unknowingly have given me and this may turn out to be the best mountain we have ever climbed because of that glorious view from the top