Finding inspiration

I like Inspirational quotes, poems, essays, whatever... I heard this one in the movie Akeelah and the Bee... it's good. I like it and I'll post more about life later...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What?

is different bad? is different wrong? if the same hasn't worked out so many times before than wouldn't different be welcomed? i would hope so! when something is too good to be true it usually is, yes, but can something seem that without being so? an exciting new adventure seems in order for it to be "true" it must be the "same" as every other adventure, but other adventures failed!

maybe the mountain that was attempted over and over again was just from the wrong side or not the "right" one to climb...or the wrong timing, the preperation wasn't completly there---timing has proven to be more than it's chalked up to be.... this mountain seems to not have too many boulders to move and the ones that are there are worth the effort to climb over. don't give up on the mountain, don't see the immediate struggle as bad, but as a path to something good-the beautiful view at the top of the mountain. i have faith, shakey though it may be it is strong but i cannot do it alone but i am strong to help cary knowing at some point i myself will need to be carried.

I am excited, I am true, I am cautious, but I am willing and I see the top of the mountain....give me your hand and let me give you strength as you unknowingly have given me and this may turn out to be the best mountain we have ever climbed because of that glorious view from the top

good things...

Well other than the fact that my job thinks that I don't need sleep, things that I think to be good are happening. First of all My wonderful friend Alison and I found a new place to live!! eventhough we wanted a place for ourselves, we're moving in to a house of a family that goes to Sandals. So startng September 1st I'll be living in Riverside and NOT commuting from L.A.!! and I don't care if you care or not but I think that is wonderful!!! I can't wait. downfall, it's a bit of a zoo with 2 dogs and 4 cats...and Alison has a dog, so it's 3 dogs and 4 cats...my nose will not be too happy with that.
Also, I got to see good friends this past week. I miss my friends so I'm happy when I get to see them. Days have turned into a big blur and I feel so stressed because I don't really sleep but once I figure out how to sleep, I'll be fine. Now off to care for the babies here at home *yawn*

I can now save your life

I finished a CPR /first Aid class and know I know how to save you life if you need it. So now it's really good to have me around! :) There really isn't much else to say other than I was up for a full 24 hours yesterday and that I FINALLY saw the Pirates...k I think that's it.

Let's see...

Hmmm, there's more to write than I have time for so I'll try to do this as quickly as possible...

First off I have to write an ode to my mommy. Some people think I have a big heart, after a series of events that happened this week, I must say "I get it from my momma" (I believe there's a song like that somewhere) Anyway, at my parents church (mine too on occasion) there is this group of kids that live with their grandmother because their mom is on drugs and can't take care of them and all that jazz. It is quite sad but I've seen God working in those kids lives and they really have had an "extended family" through that church. Anyway, the oldest has reached the wise old age of 15 and decided that he knows everything and doesn't need a house with rules and ran away from home for two weeks. So the kid is out there with his gang member friends and no one really know where he is on a day to day basis. You honestly would have thought it was my own flesh and blood brother that ran away the way my mommy and I worried about that boy. More so my mom. She really had sleepless nights and was on the phone with the boy's grandmother everyday that that boy was not home.
When they finally got a hold of him, my mom saw to it that she talked to him, not to yell but to know his side of the story. and she talked to him for hours. She made sure that he got other members of the church to talk to and...well, I can honestly say that he did think that no one cared about him and he now saw otherwise. This isn't the first time my mom has done that...When she says that she is concerned, she is GENUINELY concerned and she doesn't rest until things are better. Just the mom in her I guess...
Well that took longer than I though and now I have to get ready for work...

A Series of Unfortunate Events...

Not the movie or the books...Just my life. But at least in this story there is a happy ending.
Well first of all,I went to my car the other day to clean it out because it was a complete disaster in there, so I was being the good car taker that I am and was gonna clean it out. Only to discover that I left my back car door unlocked and someone broke into (granted, I did make the heist easier)my car!! argh!! I mean right in my driveway. Not on the street or anything! :( Thankfully they didn't run off with anything good...Just ALL MY CD'S!! (yes, I haven't stepped into the 21st century and gotten an ipod yet) so that swipe was a devastating blow. I think my CD collection and the area I live in don't go together so they are probably somewhere in a ditch as they flipped through and saw UCO recordings and Michael Buble' in the mix and thought "these CD's suck" But I liked them, that's why they were in MY CAR!!! But I guess no crying over spilt milk... Luckily I have itunes and most of my cd's are on there so I guess that's a plus, that and I do plan to succumb and buy an ipod in the near future...
The next thing was that at my first staff meeting I pretty much did everything wrong so in given a second chance they moved me to a new home with brand new girls (there's only one right now) and I must be re-trained I guess. So after getting off at 8am this morning, I must trek back to Riverside to get there by 6 (which means traffic) to start my (drumroll please...)15 hour work day!!! Yes, tonight I will have to be working from 6pm to 8...am...Anyone want to let me sleep over? But hey, I'll probably have a nice looking paycheck...

Let's just update shall we?

Well let's see, I started the new job and I must say that I enjoy it quite a bit. Everyday something new has been thrown at me where I had to be the adult and make the decisions and not freak out and assume the fetal position... it's pretty hard staying up all night to make sure these pregnant teens don't sneak out but thanks to the summer heat and just the simple fact that they are plain wiped out and have to be up at 6 in the morning, I haven't had to report any AWOL peeps...
Really my job in very much like being an RA but without planning events. I haven't heard the "F bomb" so much since...well high school. Limited vocabulary I guess... but really I think the profane language is the least of their problems... I like having stories to tell when I come home from work. And now I'm done talking about my job...for now.

Segue to today, I started going to a new church out here seeing as how I can't go to Sandals every Sunday. (or can I?) Anyway,he has had a Sermon series on "Security or Insecurity? That is the question" and today he started to talk about how Vision is the greatest asset to Security, I found it rather interesting. and I liked the verse that he used:
"If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; but when they attend to what He reveals, they are most blessed." Proverbs 29:18
I'll write more later...I'm tired

At 3:15 am...most people are sleeping...right?

Maybe I'm trying to accustom myself to being up until 8 in the morning!! (Wow God, this is going to be a test) That's my work schedule, 10pm until 8 am... At least I won't be in traffic when I go to work... gotta do what ya gotta do I guess...

But that's not why I was posting. Complacent Christianity has been racking my brain since small group tour last year. This past week at my church we had "Vacation Bible School" (do you guys still have that?) and one thing that bugged me about it and about that church is that it hasn't changed in like 20 years (I should know, I was born into the church) When I was a kid, VBS was the highlight of my summer, and now I just see how no one is really interested in it if they are over 14 ...but then again what 14 year old is interested in anything?

Something that happened which I don't personally agree with was; when the kids were being quizzed on what they had learned the day before... the kids that normally attend the church were not interested at all in answering any questions and were in their own little world and if you dared to bring them back to reality, you were "putting them on blast" and it irritated and hurt me to know that there are a bunch of complacent Christians that don't want to change... Sure there was a glimmer of hope with those who actually got into it and answered questions...but what about the others?

I'm totally gonna date myself here but while I was thinking, it reminded me of "the Neverending Story", when the creature called "The Nothing" is attacking the very imagination and life of everyone and everything. Eventually, the Nothing destroys it all, and there is nothing left. Mainly, because people didn't care anymore.

I wonder if that is how Christianity suffers next. Simply from nothingness, Christianity could be dealt a severe blow.

It bothers me to think about when was the last time I saw smiling faces on those kids when they are at church...maybe you know that look I'm talking about... that "Look of Nothingness" Its not a smile, its not a frown, its a very complacent and apathetic. The joy of God may be in them, but they're doing everything they can from proving its there.
Maybe I need to do something about it, but that's a whole 'nother long story that I don't want to get into

But just think about it, seeing anyone smile nowadays is a rarity. When you see someone smile, its immediately noticeable. The smile catches on, and it spreads happiness, albeit just for a fleeting moment, but the happiness is spread.

Does anyone else feel like this? What do you think?

*yawn* hmmm...mabye I'm shutting down after all...

More Sock Rockin' words by my man (and yours) C.S. Lewis...

As the Ruin Falls

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

C S Lewis

What a perfect description of the human condition. It conveys with it not only the facts but the feelings as well; the pain of knowing you're not what you want others to think you are...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

It's funny how we tend to do that only when things are either really good or really bad... Anyway, that's not why I am writing. I've said before that God has such a funny/amazing way of doing things. I have been at wit's end about my future since as long as I can remember but this summer really tested me to trust because I really had no Idea what was going to happen next since I came back from tour. Like, I had a job offer in Moreno Valley but no where to live if I did take the job. Needless to say, I didn't take the job. I had no clue about so much stuff and it made me so upset and depressed and just this down in the dumps feeling. I had to depend on so many people for just your everyday stuff. But I knew there really had to be a reason for all of this (Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling) During my search,countless interviews for jobs and so many resumes that I put out something just didn't feel right...
I remember maybe last year...(whenever Narnia came out) I was talking to Britt about how I really wanted more out of my walk with God and how I just felt like I was staying in a comfort zone and just a bunch of stuff...
I'm gonna make this long story short before it's too late. I had a job interview yesterday with a group home of teen moms and their kids in Riverside... I got a phone call today to start orientation Tuesday! I'm excited to see how God is going to use me in the lives of these girls...(but not the commute!! ack!) I think it's a little more out of my cushy baby zone and I think God is really going to show me what I'm made of...
So if you ever think about me in your prayers, pray that when I face this new thing I don't fall flat on my face...
There's so much more I want to say but I can't eloquently portray it...anyway...





P.s. side note...If you listen to India.Arie, you gotta hear her new CD Testimony, it's pretty amazing

Welcome to class...Have a Crepe'!

These among others are the witty statements my fellow classmates say when we are in our 4 hour (yes 4 hour) speech class... The story behind the above statement...
Our teacher said if she ever won the lottery, she wouldn't stop teaching but she would have like a French chef preparing everyone a dish while she talked about public speaking... It was quite funny. I guess you had to be there.

Another was...While talking about connotation and denotation and the word "lottery"
Teacher: If someone is barely making it financially, and spends $100 a week on lottery tickets"
Student: You might be a redneck?
Anyway, that's about it any ideas on a speech I could demonstrate? I've discovered I can do nothing...

So it goes...

Well it's rather late and I can't sleep because today I faced the tragedy of having a root canal done and it still hurts... Why anyone would want to be a dentist is beyond me. That is just a profession that makes me think that people like to perform cruel and unusual punishment on others... and like it. Then I started summer school today. Not a hard class just communications because my school believes that I need one more unit of communication so why not learn how to do a demonstrative, informative, and persuasive speech...again... Let's see...Silver lining in my life?? Searching...Searching....Searching... Oh yeah!! I get to go to Riverside this weekend and see wonderful people! That and God is totally providing for me even if I don't have a job... Oh well...gotta keep smiling!!

Signed, sealed, delivered- I'm Yours!!

God's that is... (I think God's a Stevie Wonder fan...) hahaha One thing I enjoy about summer is that I get to read more (due to the fact that I am broke and cannot go to the movies as much as I want...) Anyway, there was this chapel speaker awhile back and though I wasn't too impressed with her when she was speaking in chapel the book she wrote, "The burning heart contract" seems to be quite good. Anyway, she's talking about just being fully God's. Truthfully, it really isn't anything I haven't heard before... but something that she wrote and the scripture just really hit me in the head. If you really personalize Romans 6:20-23 and Romans 8:5-8 it really makes you think. Just by putting in your specific sin and your name...I don't know... it just seemed Paul was sitting in my room talking to me and it wasn't something I wanted to hear but I mos definatly heard it. Simple task, but sometimes the most simple things are pretty profound. Hopefully this warm, fuzzy feeling doesn't burn out.

sdrawkcab

Ever feel like you just keep going backwards in life? You want to act lke an adult but you just revert back to being a child? Or maybe you just felt you were supposed to have certian things done by the time you reached a certian age? Or maybe you feel like you have completly wasted everyone's time? Yeah...welcome to my life. But I can't beat myself up too much or be depressed about it but instead keep going forward and looking up to God for wisdom and learn from what I don't like and keep doing what I do like. One day this will all make sense...it has to...

Now it's Time to say goodbye....

Well, I guess I already said it. But Last week was the end of what was a HUGE part of my college life. Choir tour, choir and all that is musical and UCO related is over for me. So shoot me if I got sentimental but I can't say it wasn't a great journey. I really felt like my chapter was written for that group and it was time for me to go. Sure, I can rant about all the things that are annoying and crappy and what changed about that choir...However, I have an annoyance span of like 10 seconds so I'm pretty much over it. What I will do is say that during that last concert what brought tears was the flood of memories that came to mind as we did that final concert. I'm very big on "remember when" so that whole night was a "remember When" for me. The phone call I got from Doc telling me that he wanted me in UCO, The fact that I told him that I can hold my own but I was not a soloist. The memory of walking over to Mag and not knowing what the heck I was doing because I had never done anything like it. Being the shy me that I am and Kim Boone introducing herself. I remember how excited Doc was about how great the Black and White outfits looked and how those shoes hurt like Hades!! I remember rebelling and saying that black people don't wear red lipstick. I remember that first concert and forgetting the words to the first song. I remember when auditioning for a small group was such a big deal. I remember when "All praise rising" was our show stopper. I remembered meeting for the first time Matt that 2nd semester when Doc moved him to my side of the choir...he was quiet then...which of course made me want to know what he sounded like... hahaha. I remember the first tour and how much fun it was. I remember coming back and starting back up again...That first mini tour when we met the Bolin kid. That Mini Tour simply changed my life...stuff that God did there was just plain awesome. I remember just hanging out with people outside of choir and how it really became a family. Moving from Mag to Staples to taking a tour of the music building to stepping into that music building. I just remembered the relationships and the heartache and pain and joy we all felt with each other in that group. Memories like that just don't happen everyday. I could go on and on and on about that kind of stuff but I really don't think i need to. Those are the things I will hold on to. Those are the thing I will miss. Those are the things that I will try to learn from and put to use un everyday life. So thanks UCO...thanks for the memories.

intercessory worry...

There is something in me that is either a blessing or a curse, but I seem to always worry about my friends. Maybe because God has blessed me with the most AMAZING friends and I feel as if nothing bad should ever happen to them. I know that's a pipe dream but days like these make me very sad. Today a friend came to me with disappointing news that made her feel as if something was wrong with her. This has to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met and to me, it's wrong that because she did not get the approval of someone else; she feels as if "obviously" there is something wrong with them.
I've been down this road before...the road of "not good enough". Why is it that one person can make you feel totally inadequate? Can make you doubt your talent or abilities; or worse make you feel like you have none? Why do we concern ourselves SO much on what others think of us? You always want to find that silver lining and "accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative" but when that negative rears its ugly head and there is NOTHING you can do about it to eliminate it, life tends to suck. I know we all have had those times when something did not go as planned and you hear "you're going to look back on this and laugh" or "it's going to be ok", But that gut feeling of "I'm not laughing" or "I don't see how it is going to be ok" is when I think is where we need God and encouraging people most. I'm not sure where I want to go with this just yet so I'll continue later...

Music of 2nd chance

I have to admit that the first time that I heard Michael Buble', I did not like him. (I know...I'm an abomination) but ever connect an experience with music? I know you have... a song will remind you of someone or a day that you sang that song... I'm sure that you have. and Something about Michael Buble' and his music brought up a bad experience. So I should refute my statement and not say that I do not like Michael Buble' but the first experience I encountered with his music, wasn't a happy one. I gave him a 2nd chance thanks to my wonderful friends Matt and Brittany quite awhile ago and although I'm not as big as fans as they are but he is quite good.
Why am I rambling about Michael Buble' you may ask? Because I found his Cd the other day and I love him... But I swear that everytime I hear this song, I think someone else wrote it and I've heard it before. or maybe it just hits "home" right now...

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Red or Blue pill

If I had a pill that would make you stop the one thing that you think is keeping you from a closer walk with God, would you take it? Or would you have to think about it because you like the sin, it's just that you don't like the consequences of the sin? Examples could be if "I had a pill to make me stop drinking..." But you may say to yourself "I don't get drunk" so I can't apply that to me. So I used my own example...If I had a pill that would make me stop being so lazy...Or stop being jealous, or having the need for praise from everyone I know...Would I take it? Do I like the state that I'm in of being miserable so I can blame it on something else and not own up to my own selfish nature? These are the questions that are in my head right now. It seems as if the more I learn, the excuse of "ignorance is bliss" is in vain. I love learning too much to stop so I guess I have to realize that as much as I wish the world revolved around me... It doesn't.

err is to human as forgive is to...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the distinction Jesus made between body, mind, and soul (more commonly known as heart). Ive also been thinking a lot about the lack of distinction between the three among our culture. The three have their fair share of sins, which are equally as distinct as the heart, body, and mind. I've noticed how public certain sins are, making them easily seen by all, and how some sins are hidden so deep that no one sees them. I have to think that is why Proverbs says, All mans ways are innocent to him, but God looks at the heart.



Sins of the body are by far the most obvious. Drunkenness, lying, cheating, stealing, infidelity, drug addiction, and violence these all are very easily spotted, and very easily proven to be true. They are also the easiest to overcome. I by no means say they are easy to overcome, as they can plague a person for life, but they are by far the easiest. This is namely because they're almost always brought to the light, and once exposed there are many factors that lead to the recovery and prevention of these sins. Even the least spiritual people look down on them and discourage them. Friends or enemies both lead to the discouragement of these sins, and some can even be forcefully controlled, such as being sentanced to jail. Sins of the mind can often be treated with counseling, therapy, guidance from wiser people, and in some cases with medical attention. Sins of the heart most certainly cannot be treated by any human, only God can change ones heart. But the body is a wicked thing, with wicked desires... these sins often do not reflect one's heart. Thus the reason Paul said, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Sins of the flesh are horrible, but certainly the least severe of the three.



Sins of the mind are more severe than sins of the flesh, but still not the worst. Some minds work better than others, so these are very relative. One can have a weak mind but a good heart, and this is a very common thing, from simple lack of experience to mental illnesses. Not to harbor too much on it but Jesus says, To whom much is given, much is expected. Some minds simply do not work as well as others, However, sins of the mind are still not so difficult to notice with simple attention. The most obvious way to notice these sins are to listen to ones words. Thus the Proverb, where words are many, sin is not absent. Controlling ones tongue is a good thing, but when used incorrectly, it can mask sins of the mind and be devastating. Often holding ones tongue quickly turns into the downward spiral of lying. I've learned, when sins of my mind are exposed, those who love me jump in and encourage me to stop, and those who hate me slander me to the point of wanting to stop. Both are effective, although insulting often tears ones confidence down, leading to even more weakness. But again, weakness of mind does not always reflect a weakness of heart, and can be treated with the help of others, and simply life experience.



Sins of the heart are by far the most dangerous. These include pride, judgment, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, and things of the sort. These sins go deep into ones soul, and are extremely hard to treat. While an alcoholic can have his drink taken from him, a criminal can be locked up, one with a weak mind can have counseling or medical help, the only person who can treat sins of the heart is God. There is no human control over ones heart. Honestly, I dont know how God goes about this, or how a person even gets God to do this. As "sweet-tempered" as people think I am, this is one callused heart. It takes alot of time with God to not just fly off the handle when I really REALLY want to. Plus other issues that I deal with myself... I have a strong feeling this is why God has said, You will be judged to the measure at which you judge others... and I can't fairly judge someone else's wickedness when I am wicked myself. Quite frankly self control and mental stability have never been my strong point. I know that I am FAR from perfect (sometimes I feel I'm FAR from the person other people see)- if I judge anyone for anything, Im going to hell in a hand basket. :) The one thing I must keep in check is my heart. As long as I forgive others for their sins, I'll be forgiven (which is no excuse to keep sinning... you'll be miserable if you do). Vice versa, Jesus said if I do not forgive every sin commited against me, God will not forgive mine... which again means hell in a jiffy. Sins of the body and mind are cured with maturity, with learning from mistakes, and flat out growing up. With dedication and help from others, they're easily overcome. Sins of the heart are often taken to the grave, with pride by far being the most difficult to overcome. Vanity is by far Satans favorite sin. Vanity leads to lack of forgiveness, which leads to hell. Vanity is the ultimate sin. (for more on that, read Mere Christianity... C S Lewis is the best with that)

John 8
(The Pharisees) said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Sometimes we don't think it could happen...

This is an article that was sent to me by my cousin...we need to pray for our nation guys... nuff said

Afghan convert may be unfit for trial

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — An Afghan man facing a possible death penalty for converting from Islam to Christianity may be mentally unfit to stand trial, a state prosecutor said Wednesday.

Abdul Rahman, an Afghan who converted from Islam to Christianity, is interviewed in Kabul on March 16.
APTN/Ariana Television

Abdul Rahman, 41, has been charged with rejecting Islam, a crime under this country's Islamic laws. His trial started last week and he confessed to becoming a Christian 16 years ago. If convicted, he could be executed.

But prosecutor Sarinwal Zamari said questions have been raised about his mental fitness.

"We think he could be mad. He is not a normal person. He doesn't talk like a normal person," he told The Associated Press.

Moayuddin Baluch, a religious adviser to President Hamid Karzai, said Rahman would undergo a psychological examination.

"Doctors must examine him," he said. "If he is mentally unfit, definitely Islam has no claim to punish him. He must be forgiven. The case must be dropped."

It was not immediately clear when he would be examined or when the trial would resume. Authorities have barred attempts by the AP to see Rahman and he is not believed to have a lawyer.

A Western diplomat in Kabul and a human rights advocate — both of whom spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter — said the government was desperately searching for a way to drop the case because of the reaction it has caused.

The United States, Britain and other countries that have troops in Afghanistan have voiced concern about Rahman's fate.

The Bush administration Tuesday issued a subdued appeal to Kabul to let Rahman practice his faith in safety. German Roman Catholic Cardinal Karl Lehmann said the trial sent an "alarming signal" about freedom of worship in Afghanistan.

The case is believed to be the first of its kind in Afghanistan and highlights a struggle between religious conservatives and reformists over what shape Islam should take there four years after the ouster of the fundamentalist Taliban regime.

Afghanistan's constitution is based on Shariah law, which is interpreted by many Muslims to require that any Muslim who rejects Islam be sentenced to death. The state-sponsored Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission has called for Rahman to be punished, arguing he clearly violated Islamic law.

The case has received widespread attention in Afghanistan where many people are demanding Rahman be severely punished.

"For 30 years, we have fought religious wars in this country and there is no way we are going to allow an Afghan to insult us by becoming Christian," said Mohammed Jan, 38, who lives opposite Rahman's father, Abdul Manan, in Kabul. "This has brought so much shame."

Rahman is believed to have converted from Islam to Christianity while working as a medical aid worker for an international Christian group helping Afghan refugees in the Pakistani city of Peshawar.

He then moved to Germany for nine years before returning to Kabul in 2002, after the ouster of the hard-line Taliban regime.

Police arrested him last month after discovering him in possession of a Bible during questioning over a dispute for custody of his two daughters. Prosecutors have offered to drop the charges if Rahman converts back to Islam, but he has refused.


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Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.